Past, Present, Future

Its New Year's Eve. Tonight we will stay up way too late. In the morning we will eat black eyed peas, collared greens and fried chicken. This is what all good Southerners eat on New Years Day. Superstition says black eyed peas will bring you luck and collared greens will bring you money in the New Year. Finally we will make resolutions.

While travelling this weekend I heard a radio commentary advocating the past. Essentially the argument was that there is no necessity for people to live in the present. As I hung out with my husband's family I wondered if they ascribed to this reasoning. They excitedly retold family stories with such great pleasure. They reminisced for hours only hesitating once to discuss what they would do if they won the lottery.

I typically live on the other end of the spectrum. I dream daily of what the future might hold. The functionality of my relationship with Jess is built largely on dreams. Every day we stop and tell each other what our ideal future might hold. This is not reality but the hope of a new reality.

Your 2010 resolution list may be long or short or perhaps non-existent. While I continue to work towards my dreams I have resolved to try harder to be content with the present. I want to enjoy more moments with my son instead of dreaming of a day when he no longer wears diapers. I am not sure living in the present is a requirement but this year I would like to make it a choice.

We're Home!

Our little family just returned from a trip to visit my in-laws. They live in a very remote area which means there is no cell coverage, and no Internet. I am so happy to be home. I feel like saying that a thousand times over. As happy as I am to be home, I think JAC is much happier.

While we were out of town he had to sleep in his pack-n-play. I could tell he didn't like it but I didn't realize quite how much. Last night when Jess put him in his crib little JAC jumped for joy. This morning I gave JAC his bottle and put him pack in his crib so I could drink my usual cup of coffee. Instead of his typical screaming protests JAC played in his crib all morning. Proof that the words of Dorthy ring true. "There's no place like home."

Zombies

JAC has turned into a zombie. He just learned how to walk but he always walks with his arms straight out in front of him like a zombie. Occasionally, he'll switch things up by putting his arms straight up in the air. For effect he punctuates this with a variety of strange monster sounds. Its hilarious. I keep trying to catch it on video but I'm not quite fast enough to keep up with him.

JAC has a new game that will keep him entertained for almost an hour. He really likes my teeth. He likes putting food in my mouth. It makes me feel a bit like an animal in a zoo. He also likes to put his hand in my mouth and feeling my teeth. At first I thought this was really gross and fought it. But when you're stuck in a restaurant waiting for your husband to leisurely finish a steak while your child grows increasingly dissatisfied, having a dirty little hand in your mouth seems less like a problem.

Merry Christmas Friends! I hope your holiday is zombie free!

Sneaky

Last night Jess went out to do some last minute shopping and came back hours later arms full of bags. As usual he went overboard but I'm not complaining. All those presents are just for me. Jess told me to close my eyes and then stuffed them in the guest bedroom.

I'm on orders not to sneak a look and its almost killing me. I'm a naturally sneaky person. I love to know secrets and snoop around. I asked Jess if I could just look at the receipts on our online banking. Understandably, I got a dirty look.

I have two whole days of enforced will power and self control. I really want to look in our guest bedroom. All of a sudden I have 18 billion reasons to accidentally go in there.

On a second note, my life has been taken over by balls. I wanted to write a whole post about this but I thought it might be obscene. I have tripped over balls gifted to my son for Christmas. I am vigilantly trying to keep the Christmas tree balls out of JAC's little fingers - he's sneaky too. I'm also on an all ball diet - eating chocolate covered peanut butter balls for lunch and chocolate covered bourbon balls for dinner. It was absolutely delicious. How could you not love Christmas?

My Head is Going to Explode

I spent all morning organizing my basement. I did it as a gift for my husband. The basement had reached a point of chaos and it was driving him bonkers. It was a grand endeavor complete with baskets, mounds of clothes and a system. JAC quickly destroyed my system. I would fold and organize a basket of clothes, turn my back and he would be happily dump the basket on the floor. I was grateful for nap time.

Once again I am faced with the most troubling of mom questions. Is JAC sick? Should I call the doctor? Lately JAC has been acting strangely. He doesn't want to hang out with Jess at all. This is especially unusual since Jess is the fun one. JAC has started throwing obstinate fits about strange things. Today we played in the basement for a few hours while I was organizing. I carried him upstairs for a few moments. When it was time to go back to the basement the mother of all fits ensued. This is strange but the strangest thing of all has been JAC's afternoon nap. He falls asleep at four and wakes up the next morning. My kid has never been much of a sleeper and now combined with his other odd behavior, he has me worried. Should I call the doctor? I generally don't call the doctor unless there is a fever or something green. He seems free of these ailments but I am still worried.

Motherhood has a way of creating heartbreaking confusion. Today as I organized our chaotic basement I sorted two boxes of too small baby clothes and my heart hurt. I didn't want to part with those little objects of babyhood. It didn't seem practical to keep them but I didn't want to give them away.

Doctors, chaos and worry create a burden only relieved by hope. I hope I get this right. I hope JAC is not sick and I hope I will be able to let go when the time is right. In the military we have a saying, "hope is not a plan." Unfortunately, right now I don't have a plan. I'm winging it. Hope will have to be enough.

The Great Wall of China

There are a lot of things I will never understand about my kid. This week I have been pondering the baby gate. My friend gave me the baby gate and I was sure it would generally increase my sanity. Instead it has had the opposite effect. The moment the gate goes up JAC crawls over and hangs on it. He screams and protests as if he was on the wrong side of the Berlin wall.

I've tried everything to assure him the gate was not a bad thing. I have even tried using my dog training techniques and giving him a treat when I put the gate up. All of JAC's favorite toys are on the right side of the gate. JAC's food is on the right side of the gate. Most of the time I'm on the same side of the gate as JAC and still he protests. I have finally come to conclusion. This wild man just doesn't want to be fenced in.

Bangs

While I was in Texas I felt inspired by Sarah Palin and got bangs. Actually, haircuts are just cheaper in Texas and I had free babysitting. The place I got my haircut was highly recommended and located next door to a 7-11. That came in handy because they only took cash and I had to run to the 7-11 ATM post haircut.

When the haircut was finished I almost cried. I thought bangs would make me look hot but I'm pretty sure they just enhanced that "mom look" I already have. When I got over the initial shock my spirits were bolstered by my sister telling me I looked "sassy." Generally my goal is to always look sassy.

On the plane ride home I learned that bangs came with an added bonus. JAC was getting rowdy and I shook my head at him. He watched my hair swish across my face and thought it was hilarious. He laughed and laughed. Now it is kind of our thing. I'll look at him in his high chair and he'll shake his head back and forth. I'll do it in return and we'll both laugh. In the car I turn the radio up and then I'll look back at him and shake my head. He starts shaking his head and I could swear he was head banging to the music. I think this Bonjovi loving kid has a little rocker in him and I think I'm getting used to these bangs.

Taking Aim

My small readership knows I am dedicated to sharing unusual stories. Today I heard a story I just had to share. This story is for the men in my life. Thankfully I have Roxy around or I would be outnumbered in my household.

Perhaps, men have a noticed a growing trend in urinals - a small fly painted near the drain. After some analysis scientists, janitors and other great human beings have made a profound discovering. Men have a deep desire to aim at something. The fly is painted on the urinal to give men something to aim at. Apparently the placement of the fly has reduced spillage by up to 80%, resulting in cleaner bathrooms and happier janitors. You can read all about this. Follow the link. http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=121310977

Happy Saturday!

A Revision

Yesterday we celebrated JAC's birthday. We ate cake. We took lots of birthday pictures and we opened presents. We had a great time celebrating this momentous milestone but one thing kept bothering me. Why did my parents not call and wish JAC a happy birthday? Had they forgotten the birthday of their only grandchild?

Finally last night I called me mom and questioned her. She started laughing. Yesterday was the 18th. All day I thought it was the 20th and in my enthusiasm, happily thought it was JAC's birthday. I'm not really sure what happened.

So, on Sunday we will eat leftover cake, take birthday pictures and re-wrap JAC's present. If we make it to church give JAC a big hug because Sunday is JAC's birthday. Some December babies claim their birthdays are forgotten in the shadow of Christmas. JAC's was twice remembered. Perhaps, I should buy a calendar.

Finish Line

I am sitting in my underwear blogging. I think that is definitely considered an "over-share." Jess has the day off and he took JAC to Target. They are buying my Christmas present and I am basking.

It is too cold to bask in the sun so I'm basking in my basement giving thanks to God. We have survived! Today JAC is one year old and I feel like I have accomplished the most significant task of my life. I feel like the Rocky theme song should be playing while I run around with my arms in the air.

This year has been horrible, wonderful and crazy. A good number of my friends are working on kid number two and I'm just working on catching my breath. Tonight we will eat cake and sing. JAC will open presents and I will be thankful for one thing most of all. I am thankful that JAC will not remember this year or the next. I am sure that is a gift from God, so novice moms like myself have the chance to get the hang of things before they scar their children for life.

While I catch my breath and reflect I have this nagging feeling in the back of my brain. I know what it is. It is that quiet reminder that this is far from the finish line but instead the first mile marker of a marathon. Three cheers for completing the first year. May the next be even better.

Damn Dog

I'm a girl that loves to cuss. I know its not a good quality but I just can't help it and my short stint in the military only made it worse. I just find random curse words pepper a conversation with a delicious spice. Now that I'm a parent I work hard to repress my deep desire to curse and lie and other un-parent-like things.

Last night my dumb dog woke me up three times. I was already sleeping on the couch because I was pouting. The dog wanted to go out. The first two times I obliged but the third time I decided she was bluffing and refused to get up. She wasn't bluffing and I paid the price. My life has way too much poo in it.

I cleaned up the mess and drug myself to bed. I was hot! I pulled the covers over my head and cursed. Jess let the dog back in and she burst into my room, jumped in the bed and made herself comfy. She proceeded to sleep in until past ten. I guess her frequent trips outside exhausted her. She only woke up when she heard me cooking breakfast.

She happily ate my breakfast leftovers and then joined me in basement as I savored my coffee. I was staring aimlessly at the wall and thanking God that my child was still asleep. That dog didn't share my sentiments. She banged on JAC's door until it opened, went in and woke him up.
So much for my quiet coffee break!

All I can say is DAMN that Dog!

The No Good, Verry Bad, Terrible Day

JAc was horrible on the trip home. He screamed for three hours straight and then fell asleep as we taxied into the DC airport. During the trip I looked up and saw the passengers nearby with their fingers in their ears.

I think JAC wanted to stay in Texas. I know I did. Everything was so much easier with lots of family around to help. Plus, there was no traffic. When we got home and the contractor hadn't finished repairing our bathroom. I was too tired to care. We put JAC to bed a couple hours early and ordered a pizza.

I woke up early and faced a stark realization. I was alone. I had forgotten how lonely it was with no family around. Instead of being a rational adult, I cried about it and pouted. That night I finally turned on my cell on and realized in the middle of wallowing in self pity I had forgotten my friend's going away party. I cried about that too and then fell asleep on the couch at eight.

I wish I could say that this story has a happy ending but it really doesn't. I woke up this morning and I was still alone and the house is still a mess. As I read through this post I admit that I sound childish. I am determined that today I will shower. I will stop crying, go to the grocery store and not wallow in self pity. JAC's birthday is coming up and if he's going to have a cake we need more food in the refrigerator than celery and milk. At least my husband made fresh coffee.

Make Your Own Solution

I've always said that I would take a resourceful person over a smart one any day. If you travel with a small child you notice the chagrined looks the moment you board the plane. No one wants to fly with a baby. I sympathize with the other passengers especially when JAC gets wild. I try my best but occasionally things fall into chaos.

Our last flight was a quick 30 minute hop from DFW to Abilene. By the time we boarded JAC was exhausted and quickly deteriorating. We took our seats and another airline pilot took the adjacent seat. He took one look at our kid, reached into his pocket and pulled out earplugs. He slept peacefully the whole trip without complaint. I love that guy!

Our powers of creativity had also quickly deteriorated. We were running out of ideas to keep JAC entertained and he was vocalizing his discontent. Luckily our flight attendant was a grandma. She brought over a sucker and a barf bag. She showed us how to make a puppet from the barf bag. JAC loved it. I have never been so thankful for a barf bag in my life.

Travel Plans

With much trepidation I took my near one year old on a three hour plane ride feeling grateful throughout that my husband was there for backup. We were very nice to the airline employees and they reserved an exra seat for us. I breathed a sigh of relieve. More room is always a good thing with JAC in tow.

The plane was delayed on the tarmac due to weather. When we finally took off JAC celebrated by crawling madly between Jess and I, jumping on the seat, grabbing for my glasses and banging on my window. I was just glad he was entertained. The second hour of the flight after a bout of screaming and some wrestling JAC went to sleep in Jess' arm. He slept for 45 minutes and I felt like we made it to Dallas without event. As we waited in Dallas on the tarmac for a gait to open Jess and I realized we had exactly 10 minutes to make our connecting flight.

We readied our gear, put JAC in his backpack and made a sprint through the DFW airport. We prayed. We ran and we prayed some more. We arrived at our gate just in time to watch our plane depart without us. This was not good. The next flight to Abilene was not for four hours and it was completely full. We were on standby - stuck in DFW with our rowdy child.

I think I was in near panic mode but Jess knew what to do. We went to Chili's and ate a leisurely lunch. We followed this up with a trip to the bookstore. All of a sudden it felt less like we were stuck and more like a mini-vacation. Then Jess made great discovery. There was a great kid's play place in the airport. I have always thought children have the ability to teach joy. Chasing my kid and husband around a playground, sliding down slides, I felt joyful.

We didn't make the next flight. We were the tenth passengers on the waiting list for one available seat. We spent five hours in DFW before we made a flight. I was grateful for finally reaching Abilene but both Jess and I agreed we were thankful for our time stuck in the airport as well. We met a lot of other cool stuck families. We got Starbucks but most importantly we slowed down and enjoyed being together.

Abilene

Tomorrow morning we'll be on a plane to the metropolis of Abilene, TX. Jess and I are both excited and I have decided to push the thought of a three hour plane ride with a rowdy near one year old to the back of my mind. My child is a flight attendant's worst nightmare.

You wouldn't think a trip to Abilene would be that exciting but Jess and I already have a long list of things we want to do all of which involve free parking. In D.C you always have to pay for parking. Free parking is like a unicorn - people believe in it but no one has actually found it. One day my dad called and casually asked what I was up to. I told him I was "car sharking." In other words I was following some guy to his car in order to take his parking spot. I felt like the theme song to jaws should be playing in the back ground.

Parking in D.C is not a novice sport. If you don't know how to parallel park you should sell your car and take the metro. If a parking spot seems too good to be true it likely is. My husband has been towed twice - once from the DMV - because he didn't read some obscure parking sign.

This week we will be in a magical place that has no rush hour traffic and free parking. I haven't even started my Christmas shopping. I plan on shopping in Abilene where the choices are limited but so is the hassle and the people are friendly. I plan on going running without having to dodge cars. I plan to take my husband on a date to some not so glamorous Barbecue joint and enjoying free babysitting and free parking.

Happy Holidays!

We had a great Thanksgiving. JAC ate his first bites of Turkey. I had my first gulp of homemade eggnog. The guys watched lots of football and I was reminded of how thankful I am for family. I am thankful for the family I was born into. I am thankful for the wonderful people who have married into the family and I am thankful for friends who are as close as family. Happy Holidays Everyone!

Gift Giving

I am married to a great gift giver. Every year he knows the perfect thing to buy and gives generously. While it is great to be on the receiving end of his talents it leaves me frustrated every year because I don't have a clue what to get him in return. This year I might have outdone him. I'm sure I purchased an unexpected and perfect gift.

In this season of giving I have been contemplating gifts. While some people give time, creativity and love others give poo. I mean real poo. I received a small catalog came in the mail advertising this as a perfect gift. You can go to this website and buy paper made out of poo. http://www.poopoopaper.com/index.html I support the effort to save the environment but I think I have had enough poo this year.

Today I also heard a radio story about a group called Improv Everywhere. It caught my imagination because the group is dedicated to giving unique experiences to people as a gift. For instance they have volunteers get on the subway fully dressed except they're missing pants. Each subway stop a few more pants less riders get on the subway. The final stop a girl gets on selling pants. If you were a random subway rider caught off guard by this stunt it would likely be an experience you would never forget. Here's the website to check it out. http://improveverywhere.com/2005/05/21/even-better-than-the-real-thing/

This all leads me to a final two questions. Some people give poo. Some people give experiences. What is the best gift you have ever received? What is the best gift you have ever given?

Happy Holidays Friends! I hope they are unexpected and magical.

Job Descriptions

Sadly, our landlords decided the big tree in our backyard needed to come down. It was dropping large branches on our driveway and we were afraid someone would get hurt. I took pictures to document the event. I was also thankful that my job description does not include climbing trees in the rain with a chainsaw.

My Favorite DC Tourist Spot

When you live in the DC area you getting pretty good at playing tour guide. I really don't mind because I love the monuments and museums. The one tourist stop that I had never been to was the National Cathedral. I had assumed that there would be no parking and it wouldn't be worth the trip. I was wrong on both accounts.

While my family was in town we made the short trip to the cathedral and it was so awesome that I was disappointed with myself for taking two years to go check it out. They had an affordable parking garage. The tour guide was funny and informative but the architecture stole my heart. It was magnificent, complete with soaring ceilings, beautiful stained glass, gargoyles, gardens and flying buttresses. I felt like I fell in love at that very moment. JAC and I are planning on going back when we're done travelling for the holidays. JAC particularly loved the cathedral because he could listen to his voice echo off of the walls. I'm also planning on getting a book about cathedrals and architecture. The National Cathedral left me feeling inspired.

It's a Dog's Life

Jess saw a picture on the Army's website of a platoon in Iraq that carried a dog while on patrol. The dog was their mascot and happily rode in a soldier's backpack. Jess thought we should try it with Roxy. As you can tell she was absolutely thrilled.

Afraid

Today I was reminded that often the imagined threat is far worse than the reality. I am about to finish Biology 102. This means I'm a 25% finished with all of the prerequisites I need to apply for Physicians Assistant school. Unfortunately it also meant that I was stuck at a road block. All of the future classes I needed to take required completion of College Chemistry 1&2. To make matters worse they wouldn't allow me to enroll in Chemistry until I took Pre-Calculus. Since my first degree was in liberal arts I had only taken Statistics. Things were not looking good. If I had to take Pre-Calculus I would need three more math class - a significant delay in my education. There was only one possible way I might make it pass this road block. I would have to beg the college counselor to let me into Chemistry without the prerequisite math course.

In the past I have had very bad experiences with college counselors so I braced myself for the worst and prayed. My husband prayed. My friends prayed. My mom prayed and gave me a quick pep talk. JAC was going to have to tag along to visit the counselor because I didn't have a babysitter. I felt old, momish and defeated. My mom reminded me that the average age of a community college student is 29. I was in good company among many others working towards a dream.

JAC rode in his backpack on the way to the counselor's office. I prayed that he would be good. I prayed that I would be charming and I prayed that I would get into Chemistry. When Keith the counselor came out I felt hopeful. He was a tall guy with long braids wearing a pink sweater. We walked to his office with JAC squawking in route. I described my problem and I described my dream. JAC began to yell louder. Keith the counselor patiently told me I would need a math placement test. I felt disheartened and JAC was really starting to yell.

Somewhere between the yelling and my heart sinking, Keith took mercy on me. He got on his computer and whipped out the course catalog. He told me to pick out the class I wanted and registered me right then. I suddenly had renewed hope. Keith said he had nephews and understood. It was so nice to be understood.

Next semester I will be taking College Chemistry 101 and Medical Terminology. I'll need lots of prayers that I will understand the subject matter. I'm sure that's the truly scary part but today Jess and I sat down and mapped things out. If all goes well I'll be able to apply to PA school in a year and today I feel like I've won a small victory.

My New Favorite Age

For my first six months as a mother I mostly wanted to stick my head in a hole or perhaps move to Afghanistan and not return. I just didn't think being a mom was very fun. Then month seven came around and I finally figured out why most women love to be moms.

Month seven was so exciting. JAC perfected his crawling and started cruising everywhere. He seemed genuinely joyful and proud of his new found abilities. He laughed and smiled and finally got on the semblance of a sleeping schedule. He could eat more solid foods. All of a sudden I loved being a mom. I was pretty sure that nothing could trump month seven.

Then came month 11. Month 11 has been awesome. JAC is sleeping like a pro and this weekend he took his first steps. But mainly, JAC has gotten really smart. He remembers when you try to hide things. He loves to systematically put things in their correct locations and then take them back out. For instance I watched him take every Kleenex out of a box and then carefully stuff them back in. I usually secretly watch him in the morning while he arranges all of the objects in his crib. He loves to take all of my kitchen utensils out, put them in one big pot and then take them out again. All of the sudden JAC seems a lot more like a small version of my husband and I love that guy!

Eggnog Recipe

Our Thanksgiving food was absolutely delicious but one culinary delight was a personal highlight. My husband made eggnog. I didn't grow up around much alcohol and frankly had only tasted eggnog from a grocery store carton but in my husband's family eggnog is a holiday tradition. This is Jess' eggnog recipe. Have a very merry Christmas!

6 eggs
2 1/2 cups heavy whipping cream
2 cups whole milk
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup brandy
1/2 cup dark rum
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Use pre-chilled ingredients for best results. In a medium bowl beat the eggs until they are very frothy. Add sugar and continue beating. Sprinkle nutmeg and vanilla. Continue beating. Slowly add the whipping cream while beating. Continue by slowly beating in milk. Finally beat in rum and brandy. After all that beating your arm will be tired. Chill eggnog and serve as a tasty treat.

Share

Today I was busy cleaning my kitchen and cooking turkey pot pie for dinner. As usual I was letting JAC crawl around the kitchen and dig through the cabinets for hidden treasure. JAC got lucky today and discovered a bag of marshmallows. They were left over from a rained out attempt to make smores and he joyfully shook the bag in Roxy's face.

Eventually he managed to sneak a marshmallow out of the bag and shoved the entire thing in his mouth. He tried to close his mouth but the marshmallow was too large. In the process he got the entire thing wet and sticky. It was gross but not worth the battle. A few minutes later I looked down just in time to see my kid offering the dog a sticky bite of marshmallow. Roxy took a bite and before I could stop him JAC had promptly popped the marshmallow back in his own mouth. I've decided to think of the incident as "sharing," and be thankful there is no "dog flu."