My Head is Going to Explode

I spent all morning organizing my basement. I did it as a gift for my husband. The basement had reached a point of chaos and it was driving him bonkers. It was a grand endeavor complete with baskets, mounds of clothes and a system. JAC quickly destroyed my system. I would fold and organize a basket of clothes, turn my back and he would be happily dump the basket on the floor. I was grateful for nap time.

Once again I am faced with the most troubling of mom questions. Is JAC sick? Should I call the doctor? Lately JAC has been acting strangely. He doesn't want to hang out with Jess at all. This is especially unusual since Jess is the fun one. JAC has started throwing obstinate fits about strange things. Today we played in the basement for a few hours while I was organizing. I carried him upstairs for a few moments. When it was time to go back to the basement the mother of all fits ensued. This is strange but the strangest thing of all has been JAC's afternoon nap. He falls asleep at four and wakes up the next morning. My kid has never been much of a sleeper and now combined with his other odd behavior, he has me worried. Should I call the doctor? I generally don't call the doctor unless there is a fever or something green. He seems free of these ailments but I am still worried.

Motherhood has a way of creating heartbreaking confusion. Today as I organized our chaotic basement I sorted two boxes of too small baby clothes and my heart hurt. I didn't want to part with those little objects of babyhood. It didn't seem practical to keep them but I didn't want to give them away.

Doctors, chaos and worry create a burden only relieved by hope. I hope I get this right. I hope JAC is not sick and I hope I will be able to let go when the time is right. In the military we have a saying, "hope is not a plan." Unfortunately, right now I don't have a plan. I'm winging it. Hope will have to be enough.