Snow!

Today Jac saw snow for the first time. When I woke up this morning it was snowing and it snowed through most of the day. Jess came home early so we could play in the snow and take Jac out to experience it. Jac slept most of the time but Jess and I had fun. We threw snowballs and chased Roxy. Jess made a pathetic little snowman and Roxy stole the snowman's arm and ran around the yard with it in her mouth. It was a lot of fun. I really hate the winter but I strongly believe that if it has to be cold there should also be snow.

Dads vs. Moms

Last night I was feeling particularly depressed, cranky and exhausted so when Jess offered to do the last feeding of the day I quickly took him up on it. Unfortunately for Jess, it turned out Jac wanted to eat at one in the morning instead of his usual 1130. Being heartless and grouchy I kicked Jess out of bed to feed Jac. Jess returned 30 minutes later with Jac screaming in the background and announced he needed sleep and went to bed. To be fair Jess did have to work in the morning. I got out of bed furious and went to see about Jac. My anger quickly reached a boiling point and I decided to make Jess pay. I slammed every kitchen cabinet and threw a shoe against the bedroom wall to ensure Jess wouldn't get any sleep. In retrospect I realize how childish this was and Jess being 11 years my senior was wise enough to stay in bed and not participate in the argument that I was inciting. This morning we chatted on the phone and both apologized and I realized how good it is that Jess doesn't share my fiery hot temper.

Jac has been suffering from colic and it always seems to kick in about 6:00 at night. He screams almost inconsolably and my answer is usually to put him in his crib and let him cry it out. Tonight when I got out of the shower I noticed the house was unusually quiet and went looking for Jess and the baby. I found Jess in the baby's room slowly making him do leg exercises to help his stomach feel better. Jess has so much more patience than I do and he is also a lot more fun. Leg exercises quickly became attempts to make Jac act like he was skiing or marching. Jess was having a loving it and I thought I saw Jac smile. Jac is lucky to benefit from such a great dad.

I Have Lost Control

Today I decided it was time for Roxy to get a bath. She was really stinky and I was tired of smelling her when I woke up in the morning. It seemed like a pretty easy task. I threw the dog in the tub, scrubbed her down and towelled her off. I thought all was well and we were friends again but I was wrong! I let her out of the bathroom and she immediately streaked out into the living room jumped on the new couch and started rolling around. I was shocked! I ran and tried to get her off only for her to think it was a game and race from one end of the couch to the other stopping at moments to roll around. It was clear that she was not happy about being wet and clean. When I finally got her off the couch she looked at me with wild eyes and ran as fast as she could into the bed room jumped on the bed and began rolling around getting my bet wet and stinky! I chased off the bed slamming the door to the bedroom only to see her make a b-line to the couch again. In route she stopped and shook off right next to the baby waking him. The wet awakening only made Jac angry resulting in screaming and the dog was once again on the couch. I got her off, yelled at her until she acted slightly repentant and realized I have lost control.

A Jac by Any Other Name

When we decided to call Jonathan "Jac" I didn't realize quite how versatile the name Jac could be. As I have gotten to know the many personalities of Jac lately I have begun to recall some other versions of the name Jac. I think it is pretty funny. Here's a quick list:
1. Jack in the box
2. Jackalope
3. Jack the Ripper
4. Jackrabbit
5. Stonewall Jackson
6. Carjacked
7. Hijacked

I'm sure I'll think of quite a few more as Jac gets older. He'll have to grow a thick skin and a sense of humor to start going by Jonathan.

On another quick note - Jac has become a complete glutton. (He definitely gets that from his dad- not that the 50 plus pounds I gained while pregnant are any indicator of how much I love to eat! hehe) He'll eat so much he'll make himself sick. I was aware of this fact much earlier than Jess. A couple mornings ago Jess emerged from the basement with a shocked look on his face carrying Jac. Apparently Jac had eaten so much it resulted in projectile vomiting. Jess found this particularly shocking especially since much of the mess flew over the computer and landed in his morning coffee. Hehhee

Concrete

I am feeling excited this morning. Jac is officially one month old and I've officially survived one month as a new mom. I never thought I'd be here. Last night we went over to some friends and it was a blast. Jac has been perpetually fussy and after I fed him two of my friends took turns holding him while the whole group played games. It was so much fun. It was just nice to feel like we were still part of the real world and still had friends even though Jac has drastically changed our lives.

Today is inauguration day and D.C is a zoo. People have been waiting since 4 in the morning in 20 degree weather to get on the metro and go down to the mall. Millions of people are expected and I can already since an air of excitement. I might not have voted for Obama but I am happy that his election has brought so many people together who once felt disenfranchised and renewed the sense of hope in America. I have always felt that the ability to dream and believe in a better future was something that made America special. I am glad that Obama's election has sparked that once again.

On a final note - A few nights ago I watched a show on T.V about the Hoover Dam. Enough concrete was used in building the dam to construct a highway from San Fransisco to New York City. Every so often core samples are taken to test the strength of the the concrete. If the dam were to fail it would be catastrophic flooding an area the size of Pennsylvania. Even after decades of existence some of the concrete in the dam is still just as soft as the day it was poured but the dam remains strong because the foundation and exterior walls are solid. I couldn't help but think how much this must be like parenting. My parents worked so hard to instill lessons that would last a lifetime but some of those lessons are still hardening, not yet taken to heart. Instead, my parents have to believe the foundation and structure they provided will be enough to keep us strong and intact until the day those lessons we have yet to embrace have solidified.

Frigid Surprise

A frigid cold has settled in the D.C area. Our high today was 12 degrees and the wind made it even colder. Jac and I had a busy day planned. First Jac had to go to the doctor and then we were going to meet our friend Sara for lunch. The morning was chaotic as I rushed around trying to get us both ready and feeling frustrated that Jac wouldn't stop crying and Map quest wouldn't recognize the location of the doctor's office. With a little prayer and a phone call to get directions we managed to make it on time. I was relieved and pleasantly surprised that we didn't have to wait over an hour to see the doctor ( a typical wait time for doctors in D.C). While the doctor was examining Jac and I was intently listening to his detailed diagnosis the doctor looked over and said, "Whoa, watch out, he's peeing!" Jac had his diaper off and the result was a flood of pee across the examine table and all over his clothes and blankets. Ug! The doctor said, "I could tell he was a sneaky one," and somehow I think he's right. As Jac is showing more and more personality I am sensing sneaky tendencies. For instance he'll wait to take a huge poo until you're in the middle of changing his diaper and then kind of make this funny laughing sound about it. Part of me is secretly hoping he's a bit sneaky. I've never liked boring kids and I have always loved sneaky undertakings myself. It would be fun to have a cohort in crime.

The nicest thing happened today. Jess called at 2:00 o' clock and said he was coming home. He had already worked his 40 hours for the week and wanted to come home early and hang out with me. It was awesome. We took a nap together and cuddled and discussed all of the office gossip. I loved it and strangely the result was a much happier household. Jac has been pretty quiet all night and I have felt so much happier. Jess has been so tired due to drill weekend that he's been pretty out of it all week. It was so nice to just have my friend back. We've been chasing each other around the house and laughing all night.

Tonight I called my Dad just to chat. I've been posting pictures of Jac every week and this week I sent them to my dad too. Usually he just has to wait for my mom to show them to him but this year after watching Jess with Jac I've resolved to get to know my dad better. The pictures of Jac gave us something to talk about and they spurred the conversation in other directions too. Before my mom left our house after visiting for two weeks she said, "The world is a much better place because Jac is in it." At the time I felt the comment was just a grandmother being sweet but I am quickly realizing she is right. Jac has spurred me to be nicer to Jess' parents. Jac has encouraged me to have lunch with new friends and helped affirm how much my old friends really love me. Jac has provided bunches of hilarious pictures to share with my family and prompted me to talk to my family more. Jac has helped me understand how absolutely crazy I am about my husband and Jac has helped me realize that I could be a better person than I thought I could be. Jac will be a month old in just a few days and already my life has changed so much for the better. I can't help but smile when I think of what other great things he'll bring us in the future.

Isolation and History

I just woke up after getting two hours of consecutive sleep and I have a busy day planned. Jac has to go to the doctor and I have a lunch date with a friend. I am glad it is morning. I have grown to really hate the night. I feel sorry for Jess because the later it gets the more I am overcome with a growing sense of dread and by the time he comes home from work I'm practically depressed. I find waking up every two hours with the baby to cause an overwhelming sense of isolation. I feel like the rest of the world is sound asleep and I'm on some kind of bizarre schedule in a twilight zone. I've tried things to mitigate this feeling - tv, radio etc- but still I struggle with it.

Yesterday Jac and I watched the aftermath of a plane conducting an emergency landing in the Hudson River. Luckily, all 155 passengers and crew survived. Ferries came to their rescue. The pilot and crew evacuated all the passengers and the pilot walked through the plane twice while it was slowly sinking to make sure no one was left behind. As I watched I was proud to be American because I feel despite descending into consumerism the American people still have the underlying heart to be heroes - to be selfless. When my mom first called me and told me to turn on CNN I immediately recalled 9/11 and feared another terrorist attack. I think many people initially worried about the same thing. Our lives have been overshadowed by those terrible events on 9/11 for almost a decade. Everything changed from airport security to the initiation of two overseas wars. 9/11 was a defining event in my life and I can't help but wonder what will be a defining historic event in little Jac's life. He will not remember watching the plane in the Hudson with me but I wonder what the first big news story he will remember. I can only hope and pray that it will be nothing like 9/11, the Oklahoma City Bombing, New Orleans flooding, or the space shuttle exploding on take off.

Exhaustion Followed by Exhaustion

Jac is upstairs hanging out with his dad and when I say hanging out I really mean screaming for no apparent reason. He seems to have a meltdown at night which leaves me a little depressed the later it gets because I know I'll have to deal with him all night. Jess is a really great dad and is spending the evening holding Jac which is a huge relief.

Today Jac and I had a really good day. We tried out the new baby sling and he seemed to like it. He made a strange "purring" noise while I carried him around doing chores all day. I feel like the baby sling might be an object created by peace-loving hippies but I'm willing to join the ranks of hippies if it keeps Jac quiet. My mom tried reassuring me that the sling wasn't weird. She said, "your brother just got back from Rwanda and all the babies were carried in slings and were never crying." Interesting. Jess even wore the sling for an hour tonight but has threatened severe repercussions if I ever take a picture of him wearing it.

I have also decided Jac would prefer his mom stay fat. I have been testing this theory for over a week. Every time I go to jump on the elliptical in an effort to work off some of this baby weight Jac starts screaming. He could be dead asleep but he senses I'm about to work out and voices his lack of approval. As a highlight this week -I now officially fit into 2 pairs of pants that I wore pre-baby. If I keep this up I might be able to wear my swimsuit by summer - Jac willing.

Explosive Revelations

I have found that having Jac around is quite the explosive experience. There are explosions of poo which Jess seems strangely proud of. There are loud explosive bouts of crying and yesterday Jac added an explosion of a new kind - explosive spit up. I was using the Tutu burping technique and rocking Jac back and forth when his eyes bulged and his face grew suddenly red. I stared at him for a moment and then out of nowhere milk came flying out of him. It was shocking really and I barely dodged in time or I would have been covered in baby spit. I found the shear velocity and distance quite impressive and was slightly tempted to measure it but it was way too early in the morning for that much motivation. I told Jess and of course he was puzzled and impressed. The incident has left me much more cautious.

Last night I asked Jess to go to bed early with me. I was trying to make up for my bad behavior the previous night (I kicked him out of the bed for snoring) with some sweet talk and cuddling. As we crawled into bed Jess asked me if he could sleep on my side of the bed. I was immediately taken aback but complied. After a short interrogation it turns out that Jess has always wanted my side of the bed claiming that since he is right handed he would would like to sleep on the right side of the bed. I do have to give him credit for not saying anything for almost three years of marriage but secretly have to admit I'm having a hard time adjusting to this revelation and miss my side of the bed.

Jess was kind enough to take me out to dinner tonight. It was nothing fancy but it was so nice to see the outside world. Jess' eternal optimism makes almost anything seem possible including taking a 3 week old out to dinner. After dinner we stopped at Babies R Us and bought a baby sling. Jac has decided he doesn't like to sleep in his crib alone. The result is long periods of crying unless I'm holding him and I can't get any of the household chores done. I'm hoping the sling will do the trick. I'll keep you posted.

Roxy's Quest

Jac is a little over three weeks old and already has a rival in our house. Our miniature Schnauzer Roxy ruled the roost until Jac showed up and she has begun her quest to solidify her place in the pack and help Jac remember where he belongs. She has become solely focused on stealing Jac's pacifier. I'm not sure if Roxy wants it because Jac love it so much or just because it smells funny but she is steadfast in her resolve. A couple of nights ago Jac was having a terrible night and therefore I was up all night. I was trying to hold Jac and make him more food and it wasn't going well. Jac was screaming and at the pinnacle of my frustration large objects came crashing off the table awakening Jess and further irritating Jac. As a last resort I realized Jac might be happy if he had his pacifier and I went in search of it only to find Roxy with it in her mouth! ug! I couldn't believe it! So I did what all good moms do at 0300 in the morning when the baby is screaming. I took the pacifier away from the dog - sanitized it - and gave it back to Jac. For a few moments there was peace and quiet in the house again.

This weekend Jess had drill in PA and I was on my own all weekend with Jac. Of course Jac was horrible and screamed for 10 hours straight. Neither of us got any sleep and I ended up with a migraine. If it wasn't for two great friends from the church stopping by and giving me a break for a couple of hours I'm not sure if my sanity would still be intact. To help Jac calm down I let him sleep on my chest on the couch and of course Roxy was sure she needed to sleep with us too. Well, while we were sleeping Roxy saw her chance and stole Jac's pacifier once again. This time I was sure it was long gone and feared the worst. Roxy loves taking all of her toys out into the yard and in my state of exhaustion Roxy could have escaped with it. Jess even put Roxy outside hoping she would retrieve the pacifier and bring it in - though I felt that it might be crossing some kind of parenting line to sanitize it after it had been outside. This morning I moved the ottoman so I could set my coffee down and there was the pacifier! Roxy often hides toys under the ottoman. I felt it was a miracle and of course sanitized it and gave it back to Jac. Jac was happy to have it back and and I am sure Roxy will continue her quest on another day.