Mom Revenge

This weekend we had yet another incident of POOMAGEDON!  It was exceptionally gross and ultimately disgusting.  I'll spare you the details.  I wish someone could explain how my child is 100% potty trained when he is naked and only 1% potty trained while wearing clothes.  Perhaps little children in Kathmandu are allowed to run around wild and naked.  I have a feeling JAC might fit right in.  Last night I read that in Kathmandu you can hire a nanny and maid for less than 120 dollars a month.  Kathmandu is sounding a bit like paradise.

Kids drive you a bit bonkers but they can be bunches of fun.  For those days when you're going a little bit bonkers it is important that you seek a little "Mom Revenge."  Let me give you an example.  A few days ago while I was cleaning out the toy box JAC found two water guns.  I agreed to fill them up and a water fight ensued.  I knew I had a drastic advantage in both aim and finger coordination.  I gunned that little kid down while he was still trying to make his gun shoot.  In the meantime he shot himself in the face with water a few times trying to master the gadget.  The water fight lasted half an hour and ended with JAC soaked in the corner, begging for mercy.  I was virtually dry and the obvious victor.  That, my friends is Mom Revenge.  You need a little of it to keep your sanity.

The Day After

What do you do the day after you announce you're moving to Kathmandu?  I did three loads of laundry and all of the Monday housecleaning that I had procrastinated on until Wednesday.  That is the crazy thing about life.  It is a quilting of very ordinary days linked to a few extraordinary days.

One really cool thing happened this morning.  Late last night my sister made a whole power point presentation with fun cool facts about Kathmandu and sent it to me.  This morning when I opened it I choked up a bit.  My sister is great at celebrating joyful things with you.  I think people with this talent are extra special.  Do you have this talent?  Who celebrates with you?

In the wake of the Kathmandu announcement I have more questions than answers so I did what every good dork does in this situation.  I jumped on Amazon and purchased books on the subject.  I am anxiously awaiting their arrival.

Today I was thinking about Kathmandu and made a quick list of pros and cons.  Here are just a few of my thoughts.

Cons:
1. A very very long flight with a two year old.  Please shoot me now.  Are you allowed to give you kid Benedryl.  Does anyone have great tips for long trips with wild children?
 2. Roxy our dog will be staying in Texas with my mom for a while.  Pets can't fly in temperatures higher than 80 degrees.  Our beloved pet will have to wait a few months to join us.
3. I will really miss my friends and family.  It is a long expensive trip but at least we have Skype to keep us connected.

Pros:
1. We love the mountains
2. We love to hike
3. Great weather - very similar to the Rockies
4. Awesome laid back culture
5. Drastic increase in my coolness points

I am sure I'll think of many more pros and cons before we leave but right now I need to go clean the bathroom and get on with my ordinary life.  Have I mentioned I'm really excited?  I am really excited.

The Big Annoucement:

Do you remember when I promised you a big announcement?  I bet you all thought we were going to have another baby.  Here is the big announcement.  Drum Roll Please......

We're moving to Kathmandu, Nepal in August.  Look out world here comes the Connellys!

Quiet

I love it when my house is completely quiet.  Someday I want to built a house with a special quiet apartment just for me.  I could go up to my apartment and work on my projects in complete solitude.  Most importantly, kids and husbands would not be allowed.  Just imagine it as a Mom Only Club. 

Before I became a parent I spent lots of time alone and really enjoyed it.  D.C is an especially good city for being alone because there are great museums, shows and cafes.  There are also great walking trails where you can enjoy nature without feeling conspicuously alone.

I'm getting a bit out of practice being alone but on Saturday I was sick of everyone.  When Jess finally arrived home from Saturday school I took off.  I felt like a wild woman but my plans were pretty mild.  I bundled up in twelve layers and walked around the monuments at dark.  My head felt instantly more clear. 

Later in the evening I joined the Lantern Lit Tour of the Cherry Blossoms.  It was a tour led by a park ranger carrying a lantern.  He discussed the history of the Cherry Blossoms, their cultural significance and wove a wonderful tale about FDR creating the Jefferson monument.  It was a lovely way to spent a night out without Jess and JAC.

On the tour I learned that a few great women petitioned for the planting of the cherry trees and fought for their preservation.  When the Jefferson Monument was about to be built a group of women chained themselves to the cherry trees in protest.  The trees were removed and replanted but I couldn't help but smile at the story.  Women have such a great way of bringing beauty into very ordinary settings and preserving its significance.  If left up to a bunch of men, the world might be a much uglier place.

Friday Adventure!

The Friday Adventure is back.  I feel so much more adventurous in warm weather.  Unfortunately it might snow on Sunday.  Come on Spring!  I am ready for some consistently warm temperatures.

Today we had an extra member of our adventuring team.  Becca the adventurer brought along her adventuring husband Kevin.  I made breakfast burritos and we headed out extra early to see the Cherry Blossoms!  We wanted to miss the crowds and get some good pictures in the early morning light.  While we accomplished our mission it was really cold early in the morning!  Our adventure was faster than anticipated because we didn't want to stand still.  Nevertheless we had a great time and the trees were beautiful.  They were well worth nearly suffering from hypothermia and Becca brought homemade cookies.  I think the cookies were JAC's favorite part.  Here are some pics from our annual trip to see the cherry blossoms. 

A Disgusting Mystery

Every March we fight the Battle of the Ants.  I think the March rains sends the ants running for cover and they head straight for my house.  Every time JAC spots an ant he shouts, "Bug!" and freaks like a little girl.  I am not scared of bugs and refuse to raise a sissy.  I make him help kill the ants, mushing them one by one.

Ants are easier to get rid of than some pests because they like order.  They march in straight lines.  You can follow the line and find the point of origin.  I then break out a can of pesticide and wage Jihad!  I'm a virtual ant killing Mullah Omar.  Sometimes I don my hat from Afghanistan to really get in the spirit of things.

This year the ants were particularly frustrating.  Every time I sat down on our basement couch and was about to check my email I would find tiny black ants crawling on me.  I couldn't find where they were coming from.  I checked under and behind the couch.  I sprayed pesticide at the baseboards and window ledges.  Still the ants marched on.

Finally, today I sat down on the couch and sighed in aggravation.  The ants were still crawling all over the couch.  I had been wholly unsuccessful in my eradication attempts.  In despair I looked to the heavens and instantly received my answer.  Our HVAC vents are located in the basement ceiling directly above the couch.  Clustered around the vent was blob of black ants.  There was a virtual colony of ants living in our duct work.  I waged war!  I sprayed those suckers down with pesticide. 

The moral of the story is don't mess with me.  I have a violent streak.  Actually, I just like spraying pesticide and watching ants die slowly.  Perhaps the better moral of the story is, when you have your head down in determination and still can't succeed it might be time to look up.

What They Never Tell You

I started this blog because everywhere I looked people were having perfectly blissful parenting experiences.  I was stuck holding a baby that wouldn't stop screaming and never slept.  I found women talking about the endless joys of parenting absolutely nauseating.  Truthfully I didn't feel joyful at all.  I wanted my old life back.  There is no going back and I promised myself that I would share both the good and bad of parenting in hopes that other people could laugh, commiserate and feel less alone.

There are so many aspects of parenting that are simply trial by fire.  We are enduring an extremely difficult month of parenting and I need to write about it.  Here are a few things they will never tell you about raising a toddler.

1. When you get married you expect to have a few bad fights and perhaps a few bad weeks.  Truthfully you will likely have bad years.  These are years where you desperately want to come up for air but instead feel like you are continually drowning.  Parenting operates in similar cycles.  Your toddler will likely be horrid for several months.  You will not want to hang out with him and then one day your happy, cool kid will return for no reason at all.

2. Toddlers throw tantrums.  Each toddler is different.  Lately JAC has been throwing absolutely terrifying tantrums that last over half an hour. Sometimes I think he is demon possessed  He screams, kicks, thrashes, hits and bites.  Yesterday I spent ten minutes with his little body squashed between my knees and my forearm on his chest.  He tantrum was completely out of control.  I was afraid he would hurt himself and was trying to calm him down while he hit and kicked me.

3. Your child will test you over and over again.  You will think that you can't fight another battle and then you have to put your game face on again.  It is overwhelmingly exhausting.

4. Potty training is very difficult.  You might assume that your child would prefer not to be a disgusting mess but they may not care.  Instead they might care even more about asserting control and refusing to do anything you suggest.

5. You will pray so much.  You will pray more than you have ever prayed before.  You will beg God for patience and beg God that your child will learn to LISTEN!  You might even beg God to prevent you from shaking your kid because your kid really deserves it.

6.  You will start thinking preschool is a really good idea but then realize that preschool is really expensive and all of your money is being spent on diapers because your kid won't use the potty!

7. You will be so thankful for friends and your mom who help you remember to have a since of humor.  You will also be really thankful for a margarita at the end of a tough day.

Give Me a Break!

Last week I hit my kid in the face with a shovel.  You might have noticed the scab on his cheek in previous pictures.  I was using the shovel to catapult balls across the yard and misjudged the distance hitting JAC in the face.  He cried and cried.  I of course felt guilty.  Today I sat down for lunch and my dog kept pestering me.  She desperately wanted a bite of soup and I was instantly annoyed.  I pushed her away assuming she was just ignoring her dog food and hoping for people food.  Later I realized I put her food dish in the washer yesterday.  I have been starving my dog for almost two days.  Please submit me for mother of the year!

Parenting is the most guilt inducing thing I have ever attempted.  In the course of a week you can make so many mistakes that it leaves your head spinning and your heart hurting.  If you dwell too heavily on these mistakes you'll render yourself "combat ineffective" - completely unable to accomplish your mission due to heavy waves of self doubt.

I try to encourage my mom friends to, " give themselves a break".  I know I have made many mistakes.  I dread the day when JAC is an adult and he recalls them.  Today I'm giving myself a break.  Here are a few parenting decisions that I'm really proud of making.

1.  We spend a lot of time outdoors.  I love nature and fresh air.  I think most humans were designed to enjoy the great outdoors.  I love sharing my favorite outdoor activities with JAC.  I hope he embraces hiking, kayaking, running and camping as life long hobbies.  JAC marvels in rocks, trees and animals.  He begs to go outside and loves to dig in the dirt.  I hope he never loses this passion.

2. Nap time is not negotiable.  When JAC was about nine months old I started putting him on a regular nap schedule.  Every day he rests for a few hours and I get to spend time working on my favorite hobbies or getting caught up on house work.  These few hours are great for my sanity.

3. I am not a short order cook.  I don't make special kid friendly meals.  I make nutritious meals for our family.  If JAC doesn't like them he can hope for better fare at breakfast and go to bed hungry.  Life's too short to waste the mental energy required to be a picky eater.

4. We have surrounded our son with great people.  JAC's life is filled with people I love and admire.  I have old work colleagues who stop by, church friends, neighborhood friends and wonderful family.  I respect these people and want JAC to learn from them.  This group will help broaden JAC's experiences and world view. They have also been instrumental in maintaining my personal sanity.  They have loved, encouraged and supported us.  They have even provided some free babysitting when I really needed it.  We are overwhelmingly thankful for every one of them.

It's the weekend!  I hope everyone is taking a moment to slow down and give themselves a break.  What is the best decision parenting or otherwise you've made lately?  

Quite a Bargain

Spring is slowly breaking through here in D.C.  As I type this my kitchen windows are open and a mockingbird is happily chirping from a nearby bush.  Spring in D.C is absolutely lovely.  The dogwoods are beginning to blossom and the cherry trees will be next.  Hopefully these warmer temperatures and new colors will break me out of the winter doldrums.  I'm ready to spend countless hours in the sun.

I don't care if you're Super mom.  All parents make a few bargains with their children.  Last year JAC decided he hated our running stroller.  He actually broke the harness attempting to escape mid run.  This behavior was exceptionally annoying so I made a bargain with JAC.  If he would sit in the stroller quietly while I ran for 45 minutes we would finish our run with a trip to the park.

The arrangement has worked out well.  Our usual running park is near a small stream.  After we play a bit JAC likes to throw rocks in the water.  This can occupy him for hours.  When the summer heat and humidity takes over JAC and I wade up to our waists and cool off.  We chunk lots of rocks and are thrilled by the resulting splash!

Today I sat back and took pictures while JAC tossed rocks in the water.  It is great to have a new camera and it is wonderful to get to spend hours at the park again.

Dog

Today I told my son to take a bite of his tortilla and peanut butter sandwich.  He looked at me wildly, leaned down and took a bite face first.  He looked like a dog.  I knew he was spending too much time with our dog.  At least he's not eating the dog food.

The Science Experiment

Living with a toddler is akin to living with a science experiment.  Small children are the most basic version of human beings before circumstance and bad parenting screw them up.  Plus, just like most experiments you can never quite predict how they are going to turn out.

Yesterday another driver honked, screamed and then proceeded to give me the bird.  She was angry because I was talking on my cell phone while driving.  Truthfully, I often talk on my phone while driving because my kid is strapped into his car seat and not attempting to dismantle our DVD player or ride the dog.  In this particular instance I was very lost and calling for directions.  As the other driver swerved past me I couldn't help but wonder, "did her actions action make her feel happier?"

Monday is house cleaning day in the Connelly household.  JAC loves housecleaning day and today I was completely invested in the project.  I cleaned bathrooms, mopped floors and scrubbed baseboards.  JAC watched the whole time following me from room to room and offering to use various cleaning sprays.  As I was bent down scrubbing JAC jumped on my back.  He saw an open opportunity for a horse back ride.  For one tiny moment I considered pushing him off but I realized - cleaning baseboards while playing cowboy is a lot more fun.  JAC rode on my back and giggled as I finished the rest of the baseboards.  He also made a goofy game of hiding in my closet and jumping out to surprise me while I dusted.

Today I also gave our disgustingly dirty dog a bath in our sink.  JAC watched with true interest and intense concern as our dog whimpered in protest.  He showed the same sympathy when I later cut my finger while dusting.  He wanted to examine my finger and kept repeating, "hurt ouch."

Children are naturally helpful and very empathetic.  Their capacity for joy is masterful.  They are genuinely creative and can make a fun game out of dusting baseboards.  They have a never ending enthusiasm and curiosity about life.  I know they can also be obstinate and lack basic judgment but I can't help but wonder - at what age to we become cynical and start flipping each other off?

Friday Adventure and Other Unrelated Things

This Friday we made the trek to the post office, waited in a long line and finally submitted the paperwork for JAC's passport.  Now JAC is ready to be a world traveler.  I didn't apply for a passport until I was in my 20's.  Jess was in his mid 30's when he received his passport.  I think JAC is one of the coolest two year olds I know and soon he will have a passport full of stamps to prove it.

I find that child behavior seems to happen in 5-6 month increments.  The previous four months were nearly blissful.  JAC was an amicable compananion and well behaved most of the time.  I was sure we were on course to breeze through the terrible twos.  For the past two weeks JAC's behavior has been horrid.  He is currently in his room loudly protesting his nap.

Today I am hunkered in my trench fighting the "great meatball war."  JAC has increasingly become a more picky eater.  Picky eaters frankly annoy me and today I had had enough!  When JAC refused to eat his meatballs at lunch I sent him off to bed.  He flew into hysterics and I heartlessly didn't care.  I let him return to the table 20 minutes later on the condition that he would eat a meatball.  Instead he masticated it momentarily and spit it back at me. I felt like someone should have shouted a warning of, "INCOMING!"  I banished him to his room. 

Trench warfare is never won in day but fought in slow increments.  I'll keep my head down and count successes.  Today I have cleaned the bathroom, washed the dog, mopped the floors, vacuumed, put dinner in a crock pot and polished the hardwoods.  Later I will go on a long run in the sun.  I might have lost the meatball war but I'll be triumphant in the day's accomplishments. 

What battles did you fight today?  Were you the victor or did you retreat  with a cup of coffee and chocolate chip cookie?  What has been your greatest victory lately?

News from the Trail

Today I ran over five miles and it felt great.  I was getting worried because every run I completed in Texas felt like drudgery.  I was beginning to believe that I was severely out of shape. Now in retrospect, I think my Texas running was likely hindered by the horrible stomach bug I contracted and sore skiing muscles.

Today's run felt like I was in the middle of a Twilight Zone episode.  From the very start it was weird.  I turned to park at my favorite spot only to find the building a pile of rubble.  Apparently it was demolished during my vacation.  I grudgingly found a new place to park.

A few minutes down the trail I saw another mom running in my direction pushing a baby jogger.  I always take notice of other mom joggers but as she grew closer I realized she wasn't pushing a small child.  Instead, strapped in her stroller was a small white fluffy dog.  A few minutes later I passed a woman running miles with her running dog - a tiny, enthusiast, fluffy Pomeranian.  The dog situation seemed a little out of control.  One man had a huge Labradoodle leashed to his waist.  The energetic dog literally dragged its owner down a hill.

Humans seemed to also be acting strangely.  It was trail cleanup day.  I love volunteer work and I love the trail but these volunteers were fording rivers up to their stomachs to retrieve garbage, in 40 degree weather.  That is some die hard volunteerism.

When I reached my turn around point someone had tagged bright red graffiti on the barrier wall stating, "I HATE COMMUNITY SERVICE!"  I couldn't help but laugh. The irony and defiance spelled out in the lettering seemed hilarious.

Finally, with only a mile to go I passed a man running in a full Spiderman costume complete with mask and fake muscles.  I couldn't believe it.  To make things more strange, Spiderman was accompanied by a very normal looking running buddy.  Would you be willing to run with a guy dressed as Spiderman?  I think I would have said, "Dude, NO - I only run with Wonder Woman. "

Choking

My son choked today on a piece of white flour tortilla.  He was in the kitchen eating and I heard the sound from my sewing room and came running.  In an instant I was doing the Heimlich Maneuver on him.  When the tortilla was dislodged I just started laughing.  Jess stared at me in disbelief but at that moment my life felt so surreal that it was humorous.  You see, my son is an exuberant eater.  No caution seems great enough and it seems like I do the Heimlich almost once a week.  I have gotten so good at it that I don't hesitate.  In an emergency there is an amazing silence.  It is almost palpable.  Life narrows to only necessity and I find the ensuing clarity almost relaxing.

My first car was a tomato read VW bug.  It was crusted in rust and refused to start after being driven over 20 miles.  The battery would just go dead.  I became so good at jump starting that little bug that I now consider myself a jumper cable expert.  I'm proud of the skill cultivated through trial.

I am an expert with jumper cables and dislodging food.  These two skills were earned through trial.  I doubt there is another way to cultivate them.  Sometimes I like to watch JAC struggle to climb a latter on the play ground.  I watch him glance my way for help but I avert my eyes.  JAC grunts and pulls and stands triumphant at the top with new latter climbing skill intact.  I feel like I have just given him his own set of jumper cables.

Vacation Review

Today we returned from our sunny southwest vacation.  Rain has saturated Virginia creating a virtual swamp and I miss the West already.  All vacations must come to an end but I miss my mom.  I miss the sun.  I miss running.  I miss free babysitting and drive through margaritas.  I miss green chili but truthfully I'm so glad to be home.

I love our little house.  I love our little neighborhood.  I love watching my son act completely thrilled by the sight of his own room.  I love our normal routine but most of all I love my husband. 

Jess and I enjoyed every minute of our kid-free Taos ski vacation.  I could ramble for an hour but I might just include a few highlights instead.  First, our room had a fire place and complimentary fire starter.  I am telling you this fire starter was impressive.  A plastic dollar sized packet housed blue liquid.  You ignighted the corner of the packet and the liquid flowed like lava over the logs and caught fire.  It resulted in an instant inferno and my love of disaster and fire was instantly thrilled.  I considered combining multiple fire starters at once or perhaps stealing fire starter packets and creating alternate explosives.  Eventually the fire mellowed into a warm, crackling romantic conflagration and provided the perfect ambiance.

Secondly, the cuisine didn't fail to impress.  As luck would have it our vacation, coincided with Taos restaurant week.  Northern New Mexican cuisine ranks among my favorite and we ate mountains of it at rock bottom prices. I didn't have to cook a single thing all weekend.

Finally, we had a blast skiing.  I have skied a good bit but still consider myself a novice.  Taos Ski Valley has some of the steepest terrain I have ever seen.  Even the easy runs seemed extremely difficult.  My husband displayed the utmost patience.  At one point I fell and laid splayed out on the mountain.  The ski patrol drove by and asked if I was injured and needed a ride down the mountain.  I replied, "Has anyone ever asked for a ride because they're terrified?"  Jess watched my melodramatic dialogue and continued to encourage me.  I put my skis back out and made it down the hill without further incident.  At the end of the day Jess didn't groan about his wimpy wife.  Instead he said he was incredibly proud that despite my fear I kept skiing.  I think that proves true love.  Instead of remembering the worst Jess determined to acknowledge the accomplishment.  I learn so much from him every day.