Heaven

I have heard heaven described in the language of mansions and golden roads but find that mildly unappealing. I have stood on mountain peaks that make mansions and gold seem like worthless sentiments. Most humans desire a vision of heaven - a hope of something greater to come. The heaven I hope for is not material but it is an answer. I hope that the minute I reach heaven I have an answer for all of the overwhelming thoughts that haunt my heart and rattle the attic of my brain.

I have a long list of questions. Some of them are familiar - "Why do some people prosper while others suffer?" "Did I truly live up to my potential?" "Was I a good enough mom?" Lately I have been struggling with a question. "What did Jesus do when he was a baby?" This question suddenly seems more relevant now that I spend most of my waking moments looking after a baby. I know the story about Jesus when he was 12 at the temple but I want to know what happened before that.

I understand that God cannot be put into human terms. I know people will read this and try to remind me of that. When I contemplate Christ as a child I cannot understand how an all- knowing savior could spent years being helpless.

I watch my son and contemplate this. He is joyful. JAC is very joyful about very simple things. JAC is loyal. He squeals with delight every day when Jess comes home from work - a treatment only reserved for his dad. JAC gives hugs. I sit on the floor and JAC walks up to me and tackles me in a hug. We both love this.

On a very simple level perhaps the adult mission of Christ was not so different from the child Christ. Christ was helpless in the fact that he fully surrendered to the will of his father. Jesus' mission taught of a simple kind of love very similar to a child who tackles his mother in a hug two minutes after being spanked for getting into the dog food again.

When I get to heaven I want to know everything. I want to fill in the gaps and understand how Jesus could be completely God and completely a crying helpless baby. Until then I have JAC to demonstrate the basic concepts of joy, loyalty and love. Hopefully, I'm paying attention.