Not a Family Friendly Post - Caution XXX

When you become a parent you automatically begin to re-evaluate everything from a child's point of view. I am constantly thinking, "In a few years I'm going to have to explain this to a three year old." For instance, how do I explain my friend's dog that humps my leg every time I walk in the door?

Yesterday, after two days of non stop crying and a huge snow storm looming at my door I decided to take JAC to the doctor. As we sat there the room quickly filled up with other sick kids and mothers all saying the same thing. "Snow is coming, thought I should get this checked out just in case." When your kid is sick every other kid looks like a germy critter and all the other moms just look like whiners who are making your wait time at the doctor way too long.

As suspected JAC has double ear infections. We left armed with a prescription for antibiotics. I dropped off the prescription at the pharmacy and took JAC home. An hour later I returned to pick up the antibiotics and of course hoards of people wanted their medicine before the storm. The pharmacist was sending people away left and right. He had too many prescriptions and not enough time. Luckily I had worn my attention getting knee length boots. I wear them every other day because I like attention. The pharmacist said that if I would wait he would find the time to fill my prescription. Hallelujah.

As I waited I had lots of time for contemplation. The entire aisle near the counter was the condom aisle. Right there within four square feet there were, condoms, ovulation predictors, lube, male enhancers, female condoms, sperm acide, pregnancy tests and Plan B. In a span of four square feet you could try to get pregnant, try not to get pregnant, try to get un-pregnant, have sex better, have sex longer, have sex safer, or have sex more twisted. It was a dizzying whirl to think about.

I have a natural tendency to categorize and then break things down into basic components. Here are my observations about this pharmacy isle. I hope I won't have to explain this to a three year old.

1. All condoms claim to feel as if they don't exist except for the female condom which only claimed to keep you safe.
2. If you are marketing some kind of lube or oil you will likely name it something bizarre like Silver Fusion Bullet. What in the world?
3. All pregnancy tests are apparently for complete idiots because they claim to be "Easy to read." How hard is it to read a plus sign?