Shuffling

I am shuffling around the house trying to prolong JAC's nap. We had a horrible night last night and I woke up praying for patience and that God would protect my son because I do not have the energy to be vigilant today.

In the last two weeks JAC has given up sleeping through the night and instead wakes up every three hours resulting in this mom becoming a relative zombie due to lack of sleep. Last night he woke up at 12 and I fed him but when he woke up at three I decided I had had enough and it was time to invoke the doctor recommended Ferber method. I was not going to feed him and instead just let him "cry it out." I am not sure I really knew what I was in for. JAC got fiery mad and proceeded to scream for two hours straight. I would come in every ten minutes to encourage him to sleep only to find him standing, shaking his crib, screaming and throwing all his toys out of the bed. He was one determined little guy.

At the end of two hours I was downstairs in the basement madly googling "how long should I let my baby cry it out," when JAC's screaming finally woke up Jess. I came upstairs to find Jess holding JAC. I explained that we had been at this for two hours and I was exhausted and didn't want to feed him because "I couldn't live like a zombie any longer." "JAC was going to have to learn to sleep!" Despite my best intentions JAC was still piping mad and screaming. I finally gave in and fed him while crying my eyes out. Jess tried to be encouraging but it was no use. I was completely demoralized. After feeding JAC I put him in his bed and turned out the light.

About five minutes later JAC was awake again! I went to check on him and when I reached into his crib he jumped up and clung to my shirt like a little monkey. I couldn't resist. I got him out of the crib. Jess walked in at that moment and JAC let out a joyful yelp and smiled. He thought we were all going to play. I offered to take JAC to the basement to play and watch shows on my computer so Jess could get some sleep. I wasn't going back to sleep anyways.

At 5:30 I fed JAC again and he finally went to sleep! I crashed on the couch exhausted. JAC woke up early this morning ready to take on the day and I heard Jess giving him the following talk before he went to work. "JAC, you have to stop acting like this. You're not a little baby anymore. You're getting to be a little man. I expect you to do better. Now go back to sleep because your mom really needs some rest. You kept her up all night. I wish I could stay home all day and play but I can't. I have to go to work so you're going to have to be my little man." It didn't work but it was pretty cute.

I am now surviving on coffee. God bless the inventor of coffee! I'm also wishing that we didn't live in a tiny east coast house and instead had a big play room. Then I could let JAC crawl without worry while I stared mindlessly at the wall. Say a prayer for my little family. I feel like we really need a change. I don't know what God has in store for us but please pray for a measure of peace for all of us while we wait.