Too Late

I've spent the evening in some kind of self induced misery - injecting myself with mushy love songs.   Now as I near my overdue bedtime I can't help but miss the good old fashioned mixed tape.

My younger brother is getting married next weekend and though we live worlds apart we've been swapping music all night over skype.  I cannot imagine how it is possible for the wedding to be in less than a week and it swallows my soul to miss it, inducing physical pain.  In one event the wedding brings us closer together and farther apart.  It creates more common ground and also creates a whole new family I am not wholly a piece of.

There are so many well crafted love songs.  I'm not a music person and I typically stumble across a great song months after others have learned of it.  Every great love song chokes me up and I immediately think the same thing "Would I play that at Jess' funeral." 

Jess is in perfect physical condition and his death is likely far off but I love him so much.  When I hear the strength of this emotion in the words of a song I can't help but wonder how I will survive some day without him.  There is only one Jesse and knows where to find my glasses when I loose them.  He knows why I want to punch the yoga teacher in the face.  He knows why I love driving in the insane Nepali traffic and without him the love songs mean nothing to me.

My mom once told me that she and my dad pray every night that they will die on the same day.  It is almost a line from a movie.  My brother and his new wife will find their own prayers.  Rather than wait for a funeral I'd rather play a few of these great songs for my Jesse.

The Luckiest - Ben Folds Five
Heavenly Day - Patti Griffin
La Valse de Ameli
Seems I'm Never Tired of Lovin You - Nina Simone
Ashokan Farewell
Home - Magnetic Zeros
Staraflu -Sigur Ros

What love song would go on your mixed tape tonight?